Friday, January 28, 2011

Just In Case

“The man who trusts God, but with inward reservations, is like a wave of the sea, carried forward by the wind one moment and driven back the next. That sort of man cannot hope to receive anything from God, and the life of a man of divided loyalty will reveal instability at every turn.” – James 1

Ouch! That’s a tough one.

So I know I’ve posted on here about trusting God before and all of you can probably recount hundreds of ways God has come through for you, but do you ever find yourself thinking “maybe not this time”? I mean, yes God did provide so many times before. He came through at the last minute and all that. But maybe just this time He’s not gonna do it. Maybe just this time he’s gonna let me suffer and flounder and fail. And then you start making plan B.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve been thinking of a lot of plan B’s lately, just in case. Just in case the money doesn’t come in. Just in case there’s not enough teachers. Just in case the doctor has bad news. Just in case. Just in case.

Last week, I had an MRI. I can tell you that now because just as I was writing this post I got the results and everything is OK. But it was quite an experience for two reasons:

  1. I am extremely claustrophobic. I don’t like to have too many blankets on me. I don’t like to close the bathroom door. I can’t really do caves or elevators for very long. So the prospect of being stuffed into a small narrow tube for a long period of time was pretty much terrifying. 
  2. I have a thing about needles. Nobody told me getting an MRI involved getting an injection. I was gonna protest but then the doctor kept talking about this little 3 year old getting the same injection and I figured if a 3 year old could do it, then I better just suck it up and take it. I survived. Turns out needles in America are MUCH smaller than needles in Africa. 
Anyways, as I was lying there with the machine banging all around my head for 35 minutes trying to go to my “happy place” and trying NOT to think of how similar this must feel to being buried alive and trying NOT to think of all the possible illnesses I could I have, I had more than a few “inward reservations”. A “wave of the sea” would be a pretty good description of how I felt right about then.

But trust in God doesn’t leave room for inward reservations or “just in case.” It asks for our whole heart, complete faith, and 100% belief in the fact that He is good and has good things for us.

Thankfully God knows our weaknesses, and yet He delights to come through for us even when all we can pray is "Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief" (Mark 9:24). I am confident that next time God will ask me to trust Him for something bigger, something harder, or something that seems even more impossible – because He loves me. But I hope I will remember those 35 long minutes in the MRI machine and I hope I will remember this one thing:

“God is utterly dependable.” – 1 Corinthians 1

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