Yesterday I bought a plane ticket. I hate buying plane tickets. It always feels like I am compartmentalizing my year, my life, and my heart into little segments that begin and end in three letter airport codes.
Buying plane tickets got me thinking about leaving, and that got me thinking about South Africa. Strangely, leaving there this time felt more like leaving home than coming home, but now that I’m “home” this fits too. It sometimes feels like I'm living a double life, like living in two entirely different worlds that only collide in the strange and artificial context of my facebook wall.
Anyways, by 2:00am last night I was wide awake in bed stressing about going back. As glamorous and adventurous as all this traveling may seem, the problem with this life I live is that my feet are always faster than my heart. And so most of the time I find myself living in two places at once. Just about the time my heart catches up with where I am, it’s time to pick up and go or time to make new friends or say goodbye to the old ones. And as exciting and thrilling as it is to explore new places or meet new people, sometimes my heart gets tired.
So looking ahead to another year spent in different places, and craving stability when change is my certain future, I am reminded again that God is the only real constant - the only One that doesn't change (Malachi 3:6). And I just have this one request:
January, please slow down…so my heart can catch up.