I got lost on the way to the doctor last week. All the doctors in Worcester are situated on one long street which would be pretty convenient except for the fact that South Africans never seem to have gotten the concept of putting numbers on their buildings (neither the concept of using street signs). So I walked up and down the street a few times and phoned for help before I finally found the physiotherapist.
I have neck problems either due to playing piano for so long or sleeping so many weird places or perhaps just because I have a freakishly large head. I rather think it’s the last one. Anyways, the physiotherapist (that’s really hard to type, so I’m just gonna call him the PT because I don’t think he’s actually a doctor), the PT was very curious about what I’m doing here but didn’t seem to get the fact that it’s nearly impossible to talk when you are lying face down and your nose and mouth are smashed into the table. I think our conversation went something like this:
PT: “So why did you come to South Africa?”
PT: “What exactly do you do?”
Me: “I mgnahmganhgamgn”
PT: “Can you tell me the meaning of life?”
Me: “What the heck? I can’t even talk!”
So after the table he put me in a giant contraption which reminded me simultaneously of that Andy Griffith episode where Barney is trying to get taller to pass his deputy test and hangs in a closet with a rope strapped around his chin all day… and ancient torture devices from my criminology class that were meant to stretch you out until your bones popped out of their joints.
Mindless of my musings, the PT strapped me in and left me there for a very long “two minutes” being pulled one way by the moving table and another way by my chin with a big red button in my hand that I had strict instructions to push if it became “too much”. All I could think was: When is TOO much? Like when I start to hear popping sounds? Or when my head snaps off? Or when it’s just about to snap off? Is this a clinically proven device? Where did this guy go to school anyways? I’d like to ask HIM a few questions!
As crazy out it sounds it has actually made me feel better...and anyways the doctor’s street is right next to the Chinese street and any doctors visit followed by sushi can’t be too bad.