I am meditating on Psalm 84 today. God gave me this Psalm when I first went on my DTS to Australia. It has so many wonderful promises like this one:
"No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly"
And it ends with this:
"Blessed is the man who trusts in You."
I really detest how little I trust Him at times. I have been in a lot of challenging situations which God has led me through and yet still I find myself worrying and stressing over so many small things. If it's not one thing, it's another - my family, my students, my future, my finances (that's today). How is it that I can trust God to protect me in the middle of perilous, life-threatening situations, and not trust Him to provide something small that I need?
Just a few Psalms earlier, in 78, the Psalmist writes about all the miraculous things God did for His people and how they still doubted Him:
"Marvelous things He did in the sight of their fathers,
In the land of Egypt, in the field of Zoan.
He divided the sea and caused them to pass through;
And He made the waters stand up like a heap.
In the daytime also He led them with the cloud,
And all the night with a light of fire.
He split the rocks in the wilderness,
And gave them drink in abundance like the depths.
He also brought streams out of the rock,
And caused waters to run down like rivers...
Yes, they spoke against God:
They said, “Can God prepare a table in the wilderness?
Behold, He struck the rock,
So that the waters gushed out,
And the streams overflowed.
Can He give bread also?
Can He provide meat for His people?
So often, I find that I am just like the Israelites. How easy it is for us to look back at all God did for them, and say, "What idiots they were!" But then I too look at my own life and the miraculous things God has done for me and still find some petty excuse for why perhaps just this one time, maybe God won't come through. It is sad and small and disgusting.
At the same time, I find that these small struggles are in the end the tools He uses to draw me closer to Himself, always bring me to my knees first in prayer and pleading for Him to come through and also in thankfulness and humility afterwords for not trusting Him in the first place.
And listen to how God responds to the Israelites in verse 38:
"But He, being full of compassion, forgave their iniquity,
And did not destroy them.
Yes, many a time He turned His anger away,
And did not stir up all His wrath;
For He remembered that they were but flesh,
A breath that passes away and does not come again."
He is so patient and so good. O to trust Him more!